Sunday 17 April 2016

Day 39 – Ready For The Weekend

I worked from home today. I think the week and journey had taken its toll.



Working from home sounds like a doss. But it's not. It makes it easy to work silly hours. Not what you want on a Friday night.

Today's menu:

Bananas, soup, sandwiches and chocolate throughout the day.

Day 38 – Colourblind

Today was an orthodontic day.


I was hoping that this would be the last photo of me with elastics.


Thankfully,enough range of motion had returned for the orthodontist to be able to get in and replace the bracket that had been knocked off during surgery. It transpired that there were actually two, and they hadn't come off completely. One ended up pinging across the clinic, nearly taking out the nurse.

As I was having the blue light shone on my teeth to set the glue, it dawned on my that after eight years and countless bracket fittings and replacements, this would probably be the last time I ever have that done.

What's more, I was able to go back to coloured ties on the bottom brackets. I had had metal ties for the last few months, so it was good to have the aqua blue ones back.


It wasn't fantastic news on the elastic front. I can't say goodbye to them completely, but I've been able now to swap the blue elastics for the much-weaker green elastics.





I didn't think it would feel so beautiful, but it does.

The next appointment is in two weeks and it will be a joint clinic with maxfax. Exciting. And the braces could be off in six to eight weeks! Or 12 weeks, to be on the safe side. But it should be "before summer", whenever summer actually is in Britain.

In other news, my train journey back to London was epic.


Today's menu;

Big breakfast (sausage, egg, mushroom, beans, toast) for breakfast.

Cottage pie for tea.


Day 37 – Could It Be Magic?

I've realised what the main reason for my difficulties in getting up of the mornings.

I have to sleep with the pillows propped up, so that I am almost sitting upright. Obviously, this isn't ideal, so I guess the quality of my sleep is pretty poor at the moment. The reason why I have to prop myself up is to help the swelling drain away to my neck. On the few nights where I have slept reasonably flat, I've woken up with the swelling exacerbated – especially around my cheekbones and eyes. Tiredness and a pronounced double-chin seem to be a price worth paying.

I've got an orthodontist appointment tomorrow, so I've had to go back to Walsall. Fortunately, the hospital know I have to travel a long way and they understand how ridiculous it is that the NHS cannot cope with someone moving away, so they slot me in at the end of the clinic.

Hopefully, I'll be able to open my mouth wide enough for the braces to be adjusted. Then I should be able to get rid of these wretched elastics.

The mother was pleased to see me when I got in. She's almost forgotten that just over one month ago, I was bed-ridden with blood pouring out of my mouth, unable to eat, and with a head almost as broad as my shoulders. It's almost magic. Speaking of magic, I got a sticker from a magician today. It's a long story...


Today's menu:

Banana for breakfast.

Pesto chicken and chips for lunch.

Big Breakfast sandwich and Wotsits for tea.

Turkey sandwich for supper.


Day 36 – Turning Japanese

I had to go to another office today. Which meant I had to go to the river again.

I had lunch with the guys from that office. We went to Wagamama's, so it was my third Japanese post-surgery. I've probably chewed more Japanese meals than I have roast dinners. Which is some achievement.

Astonishingly, not everyone in the other office reads this blog! People were aware that I had had my jaw broken, but didn't know why. They were a bit shocked to discover that I wanted the breakages to happen. It's a stark contrast with the guy who also had titanium plates fitted the same day as me, but for an accident.



Today's menu:

Banana for breakfast.

Wagamama Number 22 for lunch.

Chicken sandwich for tea.

Day 35 – I Keep Going To The River

I had to pick up my nasal spray today.

I love this view from the bridge.


My hair is beyond a joke now, but I'm still not sure what to do with it that would suit my new jawline. The old parting towards the right is like a ghost of my old face1.


Strangely, I didn't sneeze when I took the nasal spray. I appear to have lost the ability to sneeze.

Today's menu:

Banana for breakfast.

Something Chinese for lunch.

Chicken sandwich for tea.


1. I know, I cringed when I wrote it.

Day 34 – Lazy Day

Not much to report today. I was still knackered, so spent the day doing laundry and boring stuff like that.

On a less boring note, you may have noticed that a lot of my blogposts have titles that reference songs. I'm going to start linking to them. It may be a good game. Starting now.

Today's menu:

Banana for brunch. 

Irish stew for tea.


Day 33 – Fire

I got up pretty late today. The week must've worn me out.

It was the Grand National today. Thankfully, the race was an hour later than usual this year. I only just about managed to get the newspaper, conduct my analysis, and put my bets on in time for the race. I didn't win.

Tonight, I went for a Japanese BBQ with the lads. It was pretty spectacular, even if the pork did nearly set fire to the chopsticks.

At one point, I was attempting to make a reasonably serious point about something, but my mate sat opposite was laughing. He's a bit weird, so I normally ignore him when he acts like a child. Then, all of a sudden, he starts crying. That's pretty odd, even for him.

It turns out that there had been a huge lump of rice on my chin that I hadn't noticed, but was causing much hilarity. Apparently, it then fell off, causing hysteria.

I moaned yesterday about how people react to food being on my chin: This is genuinely different, and actually quite funny.


I expected something like that to happen, so dressed in dark clothes to mask any soy sauce stains.

Unfortunately, my Japanese language skills were unsuccessful with the waitress. I blame the elastics.

Today's menu:

Banana for breakfast.

Epic Japanese BBQ for tea. Lots of red meat for my recovery.





Totemo oishideshita!

Day 32 – On The Run

Today was an important day.



Spring has started to spring, and I have hay-fever. This is not normally a major problem. As long as I start using a nasal spray two weeks before my pollen season starts, I'm fine. But if I miss the start of the season, I can expect misery until late September.

Here was my predicament: On Day 9, maxfax said that I should not blow my nose or sneeze for two to three weeks, lest the roof of my mouth split open and enable snot to drip down from my nose onto my tongue. But, obviously, one of the biggest problems with hay-fever is that it causes sufferers to sneeze. So, it would surely make sense for me to start my meds as early as possible? But the nasal spray normally makes me let out an almighty sneeze when I use it, so I'd been stuck between the devil and the deep blue sea.

But today was Day 32, so it should be safe to sneeze.

I'd booked an appointment with my GP after work as the nasal spray isn't available OTC. I can see my GP surgery from my desk, so I always underestimate the time it takes to get there. It can take 15-20 minutes at a brisk walk, depending how lucky I am with elevators and pedestrian crossings. I had left myself 10 minutes to get there, so had to run for the first time since the op. It didn't knacker me out as much as I was expecting, so maybe I'll be going back to the gym soon.


The GP said it a bimaxillary osteotomy sounds like absolute agony, Of course, it wasn't, due to the nerve damage.

I dropped the prescription off at Boots then went straight to Wetherspoon's. I'll pick up the drugs on Monday.

One thing that is starting to really annoy me is the numbness. I've said before how it makes shaving difficult, but that doesn't bother me too much because I don't shave that often anyway. What is grating on me is when people point out that I've got food or sauce on my chin while I'm eating. Fair enough, I'd appreciate being told if I've missed a spot when wiping my mouth after I've finished the meal. But it's a bit rude to point it out after every bite I take. I have no feeling in my chin. Get over it.

Again, this was another night in the pub when I was on soft drinks. It's pretty demoralising, but a good idea to stay sober. I was absolutely shattered, and somehow managed to drop/throw a full glass of coke across the pub while trying to take it back to the table.

God knows what I'd be like if I was drinking.

Today's menu:

Banana for breakfast.

Cod, chips and mushy peas for lunch,

Salmon bagel and chips for tea.


Day 31 – Mockery

Final day of recruitment duties today.

It was another important day for battling with the elastics as I was conducting mock interviews. I knew I'd need to interrupt the interviewees at certain points, so I actually had to do a bit of practice of speaking. This sounds silly, but the elastics mean that there can be a slight delay between me deciding to open my mouth to speak, and my mouth actually opening. It paid off in the end.



It's now been a whole month since surgery!

Today's menu:

Banana for breakfast.

Curry for lunch.



Chicken sandwich for tea, which wasn't interesting enough to photograph.

Day 30 – Networking

I was the only one in the office today, which meant that no one was there to witness me turning up on time.

Oh well.

I was on recruitment duties again today. This time it was a networking event over dinner so I had to attempt to eat without making a fool of myself and be engaging and insightful in conversation. I also had to resist the temptation of alcohol, as I imagine just the slightest drop will leave me with a hangover from hell.

All turned out well: I neither choked nor threw food at anyone, and I managed to hold down long conversations despite the restrictions of the elastics. Not bad.

To celebrate my successful day, I took lots of selfies. I'm making up for the fact that my 14-year-old self was too self-conscious about his jaw to put loads on Bebo.




Today's menu

Breakfast was a banana.

Lunch was salmon sandwich and chocolate brownie.


Tea was a buffet at Wahaca. I have no idea what most of the food actually was, but it was pretty good, Menu is here.

Wednesday 6 April 2016

Day 29 – Village People

Even though I've been back at work for a while, I'm still not fully fit and need a lot of sleep. Today was the first day since I came back to London that I've managed to make it into the office before 9am. Unfortunately, I was working at a different office today, so my normal workmates couldn't appreciate my punctuality.

Being on recruitment duties today, I had to do a lot of talking. I managed this pretty well.

I was meant to be going for pizza tonight, where I had hoped to put into practice my new-found skills of eating. But it was over-subscribed, so I met some of my political friends at an event in SW1.



It was nice to show off my new face to my mates from the Westminster Villlage, but I didn't appreciate not being able to drink the wine that was on offer.

Today's menu

... was a disaster.

I had banana for breakfast, which was unproblematic.

I didn't take a photo of lunch as it would have looked weird to the students at the recruitment event. I had salmon sandwiches, which were also unproblematic. I then had a yoghurt. Somehow, I managed to throw the empty yoghurt pot at a student. Even more remarkable was that the pot then splattered the remnants of the yoghurt not on the student, but on me. Embarrassing.

For tea, I had burger and chips at a pub.


I was enjoying the burger until I choked on it. Someone had to hit me repeatedly between the my sholder blades in an attempt to dislodge the offending meat. Alas, the only thing that existed my oesophagus was the lemonade with which I had tried to wash down the piece of burger. I ended my coughing the patty up in the toilet.

At uni, I was known for my tendency to chunder after very little alcohol. Given I was on the wagon tonight, I have hit a new low.

Tuesday 5 April 2016

Day 28 – Art

Four weeks since surgery!
Let's celebrate with a picture of my side profile.



As you can see, I have had yet another shave. I'm on recruitment duties at work tomorrow morning so I need to at least attempt to look presentable.

I'd signed up for this a while back, but was expecting to have to pull out. I expected that at least one of the following would have prevented me from taking part:


  • Not being back at work at all
  • Being unable to speak
  • Having bad breath due to an inability to brush my teeth 
  • Dribbling like this

Fortunately, none of these are an issue.These recruitment events were my target for my recovery, so I'm pretty chuffed.

I work in Marketing1, so I am incredibly creative and artistic2. I thought I would put these skills to good use tonight and draw a diagram of my face.


The blue circles are the zones of numbness. The green shapes are where I'm still a bit puffy. The red zones on the bottom jaw are where I am still tender. The plates, and therefore the breaks, are in those places. Pressing down to shave hurts, as does looking up.

Today's menu:

Banana for breakfast.

Kofta for lunch, with melon for dessert.


It's ironic. I can now eat pizza properly, whereas before I had to roll it up to get it to my molars for biting. But, I struggled with the kofta because my mouth doesn't open wide enough currently for me to eat a rolled-up wrap.

Chicken sandwich for tea.


1. Marketing Finance

2. My masterpiece is surely worth as much as these.

Monday 4 April 2016

Day 27 – Cracking

This what I look like today.



I was chatting to the other jaw surgery guys in Graham's Slack group today. It's quite amazing just how diverse people's experiences can be. Most people seem to have the splint kept in for at least a few weeks and be banded pretty much completely shut with wires or elastics. My experience is quite mild in comparison: The splint was only used during the actual operation, and my elastics haven't been too bad.

One thing that is common and that I haven't mentioned on here before is cracked skin.

My lips were very chapped in the first couple of weeks after surgery. That is to be expected given that I couldn't close my mouth properly. Another problem was a rash. The dribbling had caused a rash round my mouth, similar to what you sometimes see with babies. That was quite painful, but my stubble covered up most of the ugliness. Also, the skin on my face started to crack. Just by the side of my nose, there was a bit of skin that cracked quite badly and would bleed quite a bit. I gather that this is a side-effect of swelling.

Thankfully, all these have healed.

Today's menu:

A few bananas and some chicken sandwiches. I was still pretty full from the epic Japanese food last night.

Day 26 – Eating Out

Not much to report today on the jaw front.


Today's post will be devoted to food.

Today's menu:

Beans on toast for breakfast.


I went to a Japanese restaurant for tea. It's safe to say this was the best food I've had since surgery.

Tempura and sushi for starter. Unfortunately, I can't yet open my mouth wide enough to fit a sushi roll, so I had to eat them like a bird eating fish. But I still enjoyed them.


Beefsteak teriyaki with spinach and mushrooms for main. This was a no-brainer as I haven't had any red meat for a few days. I was expecting this to be thin strips of beef as part of a stir-fry, so I was pretty worried when I saw the plate. Luckily, the meat was so tender it melted in the mouth with very little chewing required.


Then we had some chicken pieces.


Finally, green tea ice cream!


Day 25 – April Fool

Back in the office today.


I felt a lot better than I did after the last time I took a train back down to London.

As you can see from the photo, my face is a bit tidier today. I only noticed this when I was shaving, but I actually have much less sensation than what I previously claimed. In addition to the corners of my mouth being numb, I can't feel the shaver at all on the round part of my chin. I can, however, feel it when I press hard, so I'm reassured that sensation will return in due course.

Today was April Fool's Day. This was mine:


The only person who fell for it was the mother, so I feel a bit guilty. Anyway, I'm coming up to the time when it will be safe to sneeze or blow my nose, so this shouldn't be a concern for much longer. Fortunately, I haven't felt the need to blow my nose since the swelling began to subside in the first week.

Today's menu:

Banana for breakfast.

Haddock, chips and mushy peas for lunch. Because it's Friday.



Sandwich for tea, with a bag of Wotsits in honour of the World Cup of Crisps.



Friday 1 April 2016

Day 24 – In And Out Again

Today it was my third orthodontic appointment since the operation.


The NHS had a rare outbreak of efficiency and I was seen early. Despite having been concerned about my swift return to work at the last two appointments, ortho was very happy. "Wow, I can tell you're feeling fine, " she remarked as I entered the clinic. "To look at you, you wouldn't believe you've just had what you've had done to you." The nurse put it down to mind over matter.


The elastics are doing their job. The 2mm misalignment post-surgery has now reduced to 1mm, and the bite is closing nicely. Unfortunately, I still have to wear them for another two weeks.

One thing I had been worrying about was my gumline. I hadn't mentioned it on here because I know the mother is a regular reader and I didn't want to worry her. After the operation, I noticed that there was a sizeable chunk missing from the gum above my upper-left canine.


It's the fight-most tooth in the photo. You should just be able to make out the exposed root if you open the image. Not ideal.

I asked ortho about it today and if I'd need a gum graft1. There's nothing that can be done about it until the braces come off, so hopefully by Namekian powers of regeneration will mean that it has grown back by then.


If not, then she'll refer me to the dental hospital for a gum graft.

The outbreak of efficiency turned out to be much more severe than I imagined: I wasou of the house for less than an hour and made it back in plenty of time for my afternoon meetings. Not bad.

Today's menu:

Big Breakfast

Chicken dinner for tea.


1. With a gentle hint...




Day 23 – Rerecovery

Yesterday's exhaustion persisted until this morning. I woke up reasonably late again, but made it into the office. It didn't take long for the pounding headache to subside and for me to be back to relative normality.


My workmates are enjoying my messy hair. I wonder how long I can put up with it in its current state. Hopefully the fringe will grow quickly so I can get it moved over to the other side asap.

I've begun to notice that my range of motion is almost fully restored. The binding constraint in opening my mouth is now not the ability to move the jaw per se, but the restrictiveness of the elastics. I am much less talkative than normal. I sort of evaluate whether what I have to say is important enough to justify the effort to fight against the elastics. I bet my workmates are enjoying the peace and quiet.

Speaking of elastics, I'm writing this from the train back to Walsall. I'm seeing the orthodontist tomorrow. Hopefully, I'll be able to open my mouth wide enough for her to change the wire, so I can say goodbye once again to the elastics.


Today's menu:

Banana for breakfast.

Chicken and chips for lunch. This was a bit ambitious as they chips were too crispy for me to chew.
Fruit salad for lunch-dessert.

Sushi for tea! Oishi desune!